What is Going on Inside of You?
- May 6
- 3 min read
I have a podcast client who focuses on parenting. Their first question to be asked when a child is misbehaving is, “What is happening inside of me?” That question is asked because usually a child’s misbehavior can evoke an angry response … which is not helpful for the child or you. I think that is a great question for any of us to ask as we encounter stressful or angry situations.
One of my short comings is an immediate reaction. I have been working on that for most of my life, and most of the time I fail at not reacting properly. My biggest reaction happens when I encounter someone who is controlling and doing it poorly. This could be an insecure person working hard to be assertive, or a narcissist who likes to take charge. In either case, I feel the tension inside of me rise. I can take orders from others, but if the authority is assumed and not given, that is when I bristle. This is when that question is helpful, “What is going on inside of me?” What is it about people’s behavior that irritates me so much? Asking that question and taking a moment to process can be helpful to relieve the tension inside. It gives me time to think through the best way to react to the situation and find a way to be kind and have an honoring demeanor. Often, even asking a non-threatening question may help to diffuse the moment.
Anger is usually about control. We get angry because we cannot control how others behave or we have been put down by being dismissed without input. Betrayal, or being lied about, is another angry filled event that happens. Again, you cannot control how people behave … especially if their goal is to discredit you. The Scriptures teach us that anger is not healthy because most of us do not know how to control it.
Ephesians 4:16 And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.
This tells us that anger is an emotion that must be controlled. Uncontrollable anger will not serve you well, and it is this kind of anger that will turn into rage or long-term bitterness. Asking what is going on in me at these moments, will create a conversation with yourself that might just bring clarity for the how the anger is affecting you. Anger must be controlled by having a time out, a cooling down period, and asking yourself a few discovery questions, may just be the time needed to regain composure.
Proverbs 22:24 Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people.
It is a known fact that you become like those you hang around with, and learning their angry ways can and will create the mass mob moments we often see in the news.
Final Thoughts
I have not perfected asking that question, “What is going on inside of me?” yet, but I am in process with it. I know self-awareness issues are hard to deal with because we never see ourselves as others do. Somehow, we have a perception of ourselves that protects us from the real person we are, and self-deception is by far is the worst kind of condition because we are defensive when confronted. The question, “What is going on with me?” is the beginning of becoming more self-aware of who you are, and what needs to change. Some things in us must be unlearned, and it is a lifelong process of asking, “What is going on inside of me?” May God give us mercy.
Challenging the Culture with Truth … Larry Kutzler